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Daily Rant: Shut Up, Sit Still, and Watch the Damn Movie

We dare you to sit next to Olga in a theater one of these days and talk real nice and loud. Go ahead. Just try it.

Written By: Olga Navia
Date Posted: 6/18/2009
Number of Views: 337

Last December, a man shot another man in a Philadelphia movie theater for not shutting up during the movie.

 Check out: http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/12/27/movie.shooting/ 

When I first heard the story—and ascertained that the victim was neither killed nor left suffering with a life-threatening injury—I put my regard for human life aside, and I had the most curious thought: “I hope he learned his lesson.”

And I meant the yapper, NOT the shooter. What does that say about me? It says that I have sat in countless movie theaters, had more than my share of arguments and confrontations with noisy theater attendees, and bit my tongue so many times that I am surprised I still have one. And well, I’ve just had it.

After all, it seems like the only logical conclusion to the epic battle that seems to begin every time the lights go down and a giant screen lights up. Now, I’m not condoning shooting people, but I won’t lie, I kind of understand the frustration. Shut the hell up. Movies cost about $11 now—and they often suck. At the very least, could you just shut your face for two hours? Why is that such a difficult concept? And why do so many of us allow a couple of noisy people in a theater ruin it for the rest of us?

I am not the type of person that can ignore it. I both envy and pity those who can. Envy because they can apparently single out all the extra noise in the environment and just focus on what’s in front of them. Pity because I don’t truly believe that that’s what’s happening. I just think they’re too scared to say anything and are probably doormats in a lot of aspects of their lives. Doormats!

I know it’s not even worth getting into the fight. If it’s that out of hand, the best plan of action is either to try to move to another spot or complain to the manager and get free tickets for next time.

But still, I am SO AWARE of myself when in a theater. I try not to kick the person’s seat in front of me. And if I do, I apologize. If I need to check my phone, I practically hide under my jacket while checking it so that the light doesn’t distract others. I have NEVER answered my phone during a movie. And generally, besides a BRIEF, whispered comment to whoever I am sitting with, I tend to be quiet and actually watch the damn screen.

So many others don’t, though. It bothers me on a more profound level than you can imagine. And so while shooting someone else to make them shut up is obviously never the way to go, I hope the guy who got shot at least THINKS about how annoying he must have been. The shooter gave him plenty of warning and asked him to keep it down, and he refused.

I’m just saying.

And if you think I should just lighten up and get over it…that’s fine. Let’s go see a movie together. I will speak loudly in your ear throughout it, I will try to sit behind you so I can repeatedly kick your seat, and I’ll keep shining my phone in your face. And God help you if you tell me to stop.

Ironically, Olga Navia might actually do movie reviews one day for VM.



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